We went to see Captain America last night (it was really good, BTW). We haven't seen any of the super hero movies lately because they all look the same, based on the previews, but CA was fresh and interesting. Good performances without the big names. Anyway, I was surprised to see a preview for ANOTHER Spiderman movie. New guy, new girl, but basically the same story.
Is there nothing new under the sun? Can Hollywood not take a character and tell a new story about them, or better yet, come up with a new character? Some of my favorite comic-style movies are ones that are based on obscure stories (like Scott Pilgrim or The Watchmen) or else sort of spoof these other comic movies that take themselves so seriously (yeah, Batman, I'm looking at YOU). So in the spirit of Handi-Man, Kickass and Mystery Men, I offer up some alternative characters for Hollywood's consideration:
Weight Watcher's Woman - This average-sized heroine will serve a dual purpose. On the one hand, she will fight the Temptation, the evil allure of chocolate, ice cream, and fried foods. She will burn Calories, cut Fat, and eliminate Carbs. She will also provide a positive role model for the size 12s, 14s and 16s everywhere, showing that a little stick-sized 0 would be blown away by these hard-to-vanquish villains.
Next is Family Man. He has six hands because he has so much to do. One might hold a hammer, another a diaper bag, a third has the remote. What else could he have? Briefcase, checkbook, frying pan, baseball, kids' drawing, car keys, book, weed eater? Family Man fights a hydra sort of villain that's made up of his job, the economy, bills, home and car repairs, past mistakes, future worries, and a toddler.
And finally, Fashionista (I think we need more female superheroes). She will be a parody of herself, bringing down her nemeses by clocking them with her Jimmy Choos, braining them with her magic Kate spade, or blinding them with Bling. She can do all of this without breaking a nail or getting a hair out of place (due to Super Product).
There. You're welcome, Hollywood. Go write me some new stories.
It's the same with kids cartoons...they take Strawberry Shortcake, Smurfs, My Little Pony etc, update them (and make them look worse, if you want my opinion!) and then try to pass them off as new. Recycling ideas is very annoying. I like your ideas for new super heroes!
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