The Write Stuff

We don't have TV. Let's just get that out there, because people are always asking "Have you seen this commercial? Do you watch this show?" No. And no. We watch a few shows online - The Big Bang Theory, The Walking Dead - and have seen a few series on DVDs we got at the library, and that's it. And because no one's ever satisfied with leaving it there, here's why we don't have TV:

We used to watch TV all the time. We'd just sit in front of it, and watch whatever was on, whether we were particularly interested or not. We ate in front of the TV, we did laundry in front of the TV, we worked in front of the TV. And we always bitched, because even with satellite, there was rarely anything good on. Channels repeated the same 20-year-old-movies four times a day, every day for weeks. There may be different episodes of a show on, but really, how many hours of SNL or CSI can you watch before it all runs together? So one day, over three years ago, I canceled the dish. I used the money to join the YMCA, which I'm not as faithful to as I was the TV, but at least I'm getting up and doing something. When we stay in hotels, we still watch a lot of TV, whatever's on. But it makes me grateful that those times are the exception and no longer the rule.

All of this is a long way of saying that because we don't have TV, we get all our news from the paper, magazines, or online sources. And we are constantly noticing a disturbing trend: there are very few writers left out there, at least in terms of the ones who work for news agencies. From the AP to the local entertainment weekly, there are way too many stories that are poorly researched, poorly written, or "just don't make no sense." I don't know if it's a problem with journalism schools nowadays (I know, I hate that word too, but it fits), or the fact that the internet makes it easier to write something without actually doing legwork, or the fact that editors apparently don't edit, but the quality of writing in the majority of stories is piss-poor.

So I have a theory: at some point (please, God), people will start demanding actual writing again. I'm talking about correctly spelled and punctuated stories that tell the facts, are easy to follow, and are worth reading. And when the people speak, and newspapers are scrambling to find Writers, they're not going to look at journalism schools. They're not going to look at AP stringers, or food critics-cum-editorial blowhards. Instead, they are going to turn to bloggers. Most writers talk about discipline, and the need to write every day, regardless of the publishability of what they write. It's the whole practice-makes-perfect thing. Bloggers write often, for a wide audience, and many of them tell stories that make me laugh, cry, throw things, or write my Congressperson. I almost never get that from the news, unless I am laughing at their ignorance, crying over the misspellings, throwing things at the monitor, or writing my Congressperson to tell them not to bail out papers that can't hire someone who knows the difference between "there" and "their."

This is not to toot my own horn. I don't expect to be tapped on that great day. But I DO look forward to seeing great people who are true wordsmiths get ahold of a story - any story - and make it worth reading.

These are a few of my favorite things

I'm not that big a fan of raindrops on roses, because I prefer a warm, sunny day (or else snow). And I'm not a cat person, so whiskers on kittens...eh. But there are other things I like.

Puppy breath: One of my all-time favorite things. I've done a little research, and come to the conclusion that it's something inherent in puppies that causes this, and it goes away at about three months. It doesn't seem to matter what they eat, or what kind of puppy they are. There is nothing sweeter than that softer-than-a pre-pubescent-boy's-pit-hair fur, and that warm round tummy, all wriggling to give you sweet-scented kisses any time you're remotely close.

Writing: Not just getting thoughts down on paper , but watching the way letters form across the page. I like using different colored ink or different types of pen to suit the occasion. I think it's amazing that with only twenty six letters, we can leave a record of every thought, every emotion, every event that has occurred in the last few thousand years. And I love that different cultures have such different ways of writing. I remember in elementary school, learning how to make my letters and then later learning to write "cursive." I practiced so hard on that lined paper, trying to make all my letters the same size. One year for Christmas I got a calligraphy set. I think I wore out the pens. I was never very good, but I had fun trying.

Reading: There are three things I could do almost exclusively for my entire life, and reading is one of them. The great thing about reading is that it lets you have a conversation with people you'll never meet. Even when I was little, I'd go for the fattest books I could find so that they'd last longer, and I have been known to ration books I've been looking forward to, so they would last longer. Most of the people I'd invite to that "Who would you have to dinner" question are authors. I wonder if I've ever read a book that I didn't learn something from? Hmmm; I'll have to think about that.

Nature: I'm pretty sure in a former life I was one of those nature-worshiping people like a Druid or Native American. Getting outside, away from people and time, renews me and relaxes me in a way nothing else does. If I can't totally disconnect, even a walk around the neighborhood or reading on the front porch helps. I like natural materials for my house too - stone and wood make it feel like home.

Cream cheese: In icing, on hot dogs, on sandwiches, in dips, in dessert, with chicken or corn or crackers and jam...You can add it to virtually anything and that thing will be better. Even the low fat version isn't bad! To paraphrase Ben Franklin, cream cheese is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

No hippie chick

My friends accuse me of being a hippie, and sometimes I wish I was. Lately, it seems like I have gotten even more “hippy dippy.” I would love to live off the grid, refuse to pay taxes to The Man, and just be generally more independent. There’s a community not too far from me that sort of lives that way – they raise livestock for their own meat and dairy, have kitchen gardens and orchards, grind their grain at their gristmill, make their own furniture. They have a blacksmith shop, a weaving shop, and a pottery shop. If the zombie-pocalypse happens tomorrow, these people are SET.

They have classes in pretty much everything they do, so that other people can also learn to be self-sufficient. My dream is to someday take the three day Homesteading class, but meanwhile, I started small. Last Saturday, I took a class in soft cheese making. I have to say, it was amazing.

First, we ate all day long. Everything we made, we sampled. The ladies that did the class had it down to a science, and it was like being on a food show. Some of the cheeses had to sit or marinate or drain for hours, so they already had the next stage done – we started it, then we got to see how it turned out. I’m a huge fan of fresh produce, but I never thought of how that philosophy would taste when applied to fresh dairy. Even buttermilk (nasty when store-bought) wasn’t too bad.

While we’re on the subject of buttermilk, I had a light bulb moment when we made that that made me feel really stupid. We started off with three gallons of fresh milk that had been allowed to separate. Then we skimmed the cream and made butter. The leftover liquid after the better had set? Buttermilk. Duh.

We made cream cheese, cottage cheese, feta cheese, cheese logs (I feel like Bubba)…all kinds of things. I am totally doing some of that for Christmas gifts! My biggest problem now is that some of the recipes really need raw milk, which is hard to find if you don’t own something that can be milked (like a cat. Or Robert DeNiro). There was a guy in the class that works at a dairy, so I might be able to work something out with him, but he lives about forty five minutes away, so that’s not practical for spur-of-the-moment cheesemaking (am I being really optimistic to think there might be some of that?).

Anyway, I’m really excited about having learned a new skill. And I’m even more excited that the skill that’s new to me is an old one. My husband’s grandmother (we called her Honey) took Home Ec in high school, and they learned how to butcher animals as part of the class. Really – cows, hogs, chicken, goats…they considered that a necessary skill for students. It’s amazing how self-sufficient people were back then. I think that’s why they survived the Depression so well. The next project I’m considering taking on is a canning class. I’ll use Honey’s pressure cooker, and there are probably some empty jars out in her garage. I’m hoping some of her skill rubs off on me.

Social Politics

Why do people feel the need to get all political on Facebook? I understand that everyone has their opinions, and sometimes when you feel strongly about an issue you just want to sound off or get the word out. But here's the thing: unless you're a skinhead or a complete douche, you probably have friends at all ends of the spectrum. And we friended you because we were interested in what you were doing, which is presumably more than raging passive-aggressively against meat-eating, embryo-killing, oil-pumping, illegitimate-baby-fathering, gay-marriage-legalizing, praying-in-school "morons." Once in a while, I understand, and I overlook. But if everything you post is complaining against this-or-that, you have to know that I'm going to hide you. Or maybe unfriend you. Because it's called a SOCIAL network. Call me shallow, but I like to keep things social. If I have something that I think some like-minded friend would enjoy or sympathize with, I message it to them. Or post it on their wall. That way, everyone is not subjected to my every thought (don't even get me started on Twitter).

I'm probably the only one who cares about this. But just wait. One day I will start Two-FacedBook, and it WILL be a political network. And it will take over the world, like SkyNet. Until then, if you HAVE to be political, why not write something that will do some good, like a letter to your Congressperson or mayor?

What a Mother!

OK, listen up all you Global Warming people, because I have solved the riddle. It's not carbon emissions from cars, it's not methane from cows, and it has nothing to do with the rain forest.

Mother Nature is going through The Change.

How else can you explain snow in December in Texas while Canadians wish each other Muddy Christmas? You know how it's thirty five degrees one day and eighty the next? Hot flashes. Those Category 5 hurricanes? Mood swings. I'm telling you, She is on the warpath. We have a saying here: If you don't like the weather, wait a day. Usually I'm in favor of this, because it keeps me from being bored. One of my favorite weather phenomenons is the Blue Norther, where the temperature can drop forty degrees in two hours. But I have to draw the line at turning on the heat in APRIL. This is ridiculous. My poor daffodils got slapped down by that fickle bitch who, apparently amused by our Spring Fever, saw fit to send 40 MPH winds and cold nights. To paraphrase one of my favorite bloggers (and incidentally favorite people), Mother Nature is a slutty tease!

I fully agree. She gets everyone all hot-n-bothered, then sends snow/rain/wind for a global cold shower. She lures you outside with sweet smells and bright colors, only to c-block you with days of chill fog and clouds.

So if someone could find the environmental equivalent of estrogen and release some into the atmosphere, I'd be grateful. You could probably get a government grant for it, too, and be hailed as a hero by everyone who is ready to hang up their sweaters, take down the top on the convertible, and bronze those winter blues away!