Why Can't We Be Friends?

A girl I know told this story the other day:

There was a guy who had been following me around for days. I tried to gently let him know that I was not interested in him, but he didn't seem to get the message. (NOTE: How often has this happened to you? I never know whether to admire the guy for his persistence or curse him for his density.) Finally, I got tired of trying to avoid him, so I told him, "Look, I can't go out with you. I'm a hermaphrodite." I thought for sure that would solve the problem, either because he'd be so disgusted by this (false) piece of information, or because he would realize that I was inventing something as a brush-off. But instead, he came right back with, "So? I'm a Catholic. What's religion got to do with it?"

While I laugh at this story, I have to agree with his question: What's religion got to do with it? Why do people have to argue so much about something that, when you get right down to it, is just a personal choice? You might as well wage war over whether someone wears skinny jeans or wears their hair long. There is no way to know, definitively, whether one religion is "right" or not, and when you think about it, most of the world's major religions have more commonalities than differences.

I realize that some people think they're doing a service by wanting to see a friend or loved one after death, or cleansing the world of "unbelievers," but really, is that your business? I don't know anyone who is so together that they have room to be fixing other people's lives (and if you do, don't tell me. It will only depress me). So how about this? Let's find some common ground with people - sit down over a cup of coffee, an ice cream cone, a chess game, an excellent haiku, a beautiful sunset...whatever. And agree to disagree on the rest. I'm not really interested in some "Resistance is futile" Borgian world where everyone thinks exactly alike, and I'd appreciate it if people could stop attacking (physically, verbally, etc.) those who don't believe exactly the same thing they do. So go forth, and love. Or at least don't hate.

The Write Stuff

We don't have TV. Let's just get that out there, because people are always asking "Have you seen this commercial? Do you watch this show?" No. And no. We watch a few shows online - The Big Bang Theory, The Walking Dead - and have seen a few series on DVDs we got at the library, and that's it. And because no one's ever satisfied with leaving it there, here's why we don't have TV:

We used to watch TV all the time. We'd just sit in front of it, and watch whatever was on, whether we were particularly interested or not. We ate in front of the TV, we did laundry in front of the TV, we worked in front of the TV. And we always bitched, because even with satellite, there was rarely anything good on. Channels repeated the same 20-year-old-movies four times a day, every day for weeks. There may be different episodes of a show on, but really, how many hours of SNL or CSI can you watch before it all runs together? So one day, over three years ago, I canceled the dish. I used the money to join the YMCA, which I'm not as faithful to as I was the TV, but at least I'm getting up and doing something. When we stay in hotels, we still watch a lot of TV, whatever's on. But it makes me grateful that those times are the exception and no longer the rule.

All of this is a long way of saying that because we don't have TV, we get all our news from the paper, magazines, or online sources. And we are constantly noticing a disturbing trend: there are very few writers left out there, at least in terms of the ones who work for news agencies. From the AP to the local entertainment weekly, there are way too many stories that are poorly researched, poorly written, or "just don't make no sense." I don't know if it's a problem with journalism schools nowadays (I know, I hate that word too, but it fits), or the fact that the internet makes it easier to write something without actually doing legwork, or the fact that editors apparently don't edit, but the quality of writing in the majority of stories is piss-poor.

So I have a theory: at some point (please, God), people will start demanding actual writing again. I'm talking about correctly spelled and punctuated stories that tell the facts, are easy to follow, and are worth reading. And when the people speak, and newspapers are scrambling to find Writers, they're not going to look at journalism schools. They're not going to look at AP stringers, or food critics-cum-editorial blowhards. Instead, they are going to turn to bloggers. Most writers talk about discipline, and the need to write every day, regardless of the publishability of what they write. It's the whole practice-makes-perfect thing. Bloggers write often, for a wide audience, and many of them tell stories that make me laugh, cry, throw things, or write my Congressperson. I almost never get that from the news, unless I am laughing at their ignorance, crying over the misspellings, throwing things at the monitor, or writing my Congressperson to tell them not to bail out papers that can't hire someone who knows the difference between "there" and "their."

This is not to toot my own horn. I don't expect to be tapped on that great day. But I DO look forward to seeing great people who are true wordsmiths get ahold of a story - any story - and make it worth reading.

Social Politics

Why do people feel the need to get all political on Facebook? I understand that everyone has their opinions, and sometimes when you feel strongly about an issue you just want to sound off or get the word out. But here's the thing: unless you're a skinhead or a complete douche, you probably have friends at all ends of the spectrum. And we friended you because we were interested in what you were doing, which is presumably more than raging passive-aggressively against meat-eating, embryo-killing, oil-pumping, illegitimate-baby-fathering, gay-marriage-legalizing, praying-in-school "morons." Once in a while, I understand, and I overlook. But if everything you post is complaining against this-or-that, you have to know that I'm going to hide you. Or maybe unfriend you. Because it's called a SOCIAL network. Call me shallow, but I like to keep things social. If I have something that I think some like-minded friend would enjoy or sympathize with, I message it to them. Or post it on their wall. That way, everyone is not subjected to my every thought (don't even get me started on Twitter).

I'm probably the only one who cares about this. But just wait. One day I will start Two-FacedBook, and it WILL be a political network. And it will take over the world, like SkyNet. Until then, if you HAVE to be political, why not write something that will do some good, like a letter to your Congressperson or mayor?

Senile Citizens

"I used to do drugs. I mean, I still do, but I used to too." - Mitch Hedberg

I used to have a problem with Old People. I still do, but what defines "old" has changed. I think now it's more based on actions and attitude than age. I've seen 28 year olds just as bitter and crotchety as any WWII vet. (ADD kicks in: I love the word "crotchety." It's so uncomfortable and inappropriate, which is perfect given its use.) I once asked my husband's grandmother how old she felt - keep in mind she was in her 80s at the time - and she said 16. She acted like it too - out there picking up pecans, making jelly out of home-grown grapes, attending every church event, and she and Grandad went everywhere together. That's the kind of Old Person I want to be.

Weren't they adorable? They were like this the entire 67 years they were married - adventurous and in love.

But mainly, my issues with Old People stem from two things. The first one is driving.

WHY DO THEY HAVE TO DRIVE 45 MPH? ON THE HIGHWAY? Or, if they're my in-laws, 30 on the side streets (because they won't drive on the highways. Which means going anywhere takes twice as long as it should). With two feet, so the damn brake lights are always on. Or slow down half a mile before they make a turn? I totally don't understand it - they theoretically don't have that long to live, so they should want to get where they're going, get done, and move on! You know how there are those special HOV lanes for people that carpool? I'm thinking they need a special OPV lane, for Old People's Vehicles. Then they can peer over their steering wheels, drive 20 MPH below the speed limit and leave their blinkers on to their hearts' content. The only people who will care are other oldsters, who are stuck behind them. And truthfully they probably won't even notice, because they can't see farther than their steering wheel, because (at least in my state) they renewed their DL by mail despite the fact that they're 88 years old.

My second issue with Old People is Senior Citizen Discounts.

I'm sure I'm going to catch a lot of flack for this, but here's the thing: they've had their whole lives to save up. I get that a lot of them are on fixed incomes and social security is smaller than a dwarf's winkie in a winter storm, but that's what all those IRAs and other tax shelters are for. They can't get money out of them until they're old anyway, so now that they are old, they should take advantage of that! What are they waiting for? Saving it for the day when they're a little older, but then they up and die before they ever use it, and all that's left is for the kids to fight over who gets what. They EARNED that money; they should SPEND it! The people that REALLY deserve discounts are college students. Have you seen the price of a college degree lately? It's really a poor -- OK; that's another post. My point is, a lot of people struggle while they're paying for school, even if their parents help out (which fewer and fewer parents are able to do). I know some places offer student discounts, but they don't hold a candle to what the Ancients get. How about, instead of rewarding a group for eating dinner at 4 PM (seriously? Just move to England and call it Tea), give kids a discount for their meal after 10 (when serious Eating starts). Or, take the National Parks Pass: for $10, anyone 62 and over can get into any national park for free. With their spouse and kids. Plus 50% off fees like camping, etc. But how many of them are really getting out there and exploring the wilderness? Or if they are, they're driving those bus-sized RVs, which...see above re: Old People driving. College students, however, are naturals at camping, hiking, and communing with nature. Why should they have to pay $75/year when they are a demographic that would take more advantage of those resources? Plus, it would encourage foreign students to visit! Other countries have all kinds of deals for traveling students. Come on America! You're behind the times!

So, those are my main issues with Old People. I'm sure as I age, my thinking will evolve. But I hope when I reach Old Age (whatever age that might be), I remember to stay off the roads and pick up the tab for a starving student every once in a while. If I can also remember my name and where I live, I think I'll be doing pretty well.